Living Transgender

Ok if know me then you know that I have always been shy around people when I first meet them. One reason behind that is me being transgender. It has made a huge impact on my life. But any way on to the point of this entry. When I was real little around the age of 6 I realized that something was not right. And soon after things just started falling into place. It was around the end of my kindergarten year and I was playing by my self like I always did. When the girls in the class invited me to play with them. Immediately I felt welcome. I felt like I belonged. They would dress me up. And it felt so right. I even acted like a girl. Of coarse then. I had no clue what the difference was between boys and girls. But this when on until the 2nd grade when i moved to a different school. And my dad had the talk with me. This is something that upset very bad. I became really confused and didn't know who I was. I started crying at night thinking about it. And every day was a battle. And I was starting to get bullied at school for being the weird kid in class. I was getting bullied every day. And my grades were dropping. This lasted six months before we moved again. And this time it was back to the school I left. I was again playing with the girls and acting like one. But they could tell something was wrong but I would not talk about. Thinking they would not want to play with me. This went on up till the end of the third grade. My parents had split up and I was devastated. The school had me in counseling trying to help me. And that did nothing. Eventually I locked the real me away inside. Just so I could fit in. And I stayed like that for years. It didn't start to resurface until I started Middle school. And thats when the bullying started again. Along with my turrets. I was soon taken out of school and was home bound until my sophomore year of high school. And by this time is was just ready to kill my self. I did not care any more. There was a war going on inside of me that was killing me. I knew I was a girl but the outside did not match. I would look at the other girls in their cute clothes and get so jealous. They had what I wanted. And I remained unhappy till I met Daniel. I could tell he was different from all the rest. He looked deeper than just skin. He looked into the real me. And Before I knew it. We were like brother. You could not get us apart. And the same goes for Cory. they were true friends and that was something I had been missing for a long time. And out friendship still holds true to this day. We have never fought. We understand each other. Heck you can just call us family cause thats what we are. But I still knew that I hurt on the inside. And it took me forever to do it. But I told Daniel that I was transgender. I was afraid that he wouldn't want to be my friend any more but that was not the case. He accepted it. Like he already knew. And that made me feel so much better inside. But still its a battle every day.